Christmas List Evolution; 4,000 view special!

I feel like the oldest 22 year-old in the world. I graduated college this year, I’m looking for a full-time job, considering grad-school, and my joints hurt when it’s going to rain. So, with my newfound ancient wisdom during the Christmas season, I’ve been reflecting back on my life’s Christmases. What I’ve realized is that no matter who you are, the older you get, the less exciting your Christmas Wish List becomes.

To prove my point, and to celebrate the blog’s 4,000th view!!!,  I’m going to share with you the things I wanted for Christmas, starting from when I was 5.

My Christmas List Evolution:

1993: ROBIN WILLIAMS. The first letter I wrote to Santa was when I was in kindergarten. My favorite movie was Aladdin (surprise) and I just found out Robin Williams was the Genie. I think the letter went something like this, “Dear Santa, I’ve been very good this year. I really want to meet Robin Williams for Christmas. Thank you! Love, Alessandra.” God Bless my mother for mailing that letter. I even got a reply in typed red ink–some generic response, which means someone read that letter at the post office. Hah!

1994: CUDDLES THE BEARI wasn’t nearly as creative this year. I wanted the most useless, unnecessary gift in the world, but then again, who doesn’t want a giant teddy bear? I mean GIANT teddy bear. It’s all I talked about! “Alessandra, how are you today?“GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!!” My parents spent all of December telling me that there was no way I was getting it, but I still had Santa to count on. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a giant teddy bear-shaped bag towering over the tree. I named him Cuddles.

1995: THE YEAR I KNEW SANTA WAS FAKE. At the ripe age of 7, I figured out Santa was a lie. I was a dancer from age 5 to 7 (my skinny years) and all I wanted was my own pair of ballet slippers. I was on my last gift on Christmas morning. Holding on to my last thread of hope, I opened it and found a Ballet LAMP. I stared at it, then epiphany: If Santa was real, he wouldn’t mess this one up. I got up and said, “Thanks, Mom.” Needless to say, I picked soccer over ballet for the rest of my life.

1999 AIR-FILLED CHAIR. Every girl in middle school had a blow-up chair…except me. I was the one who had to wait until Christmas to get anything out of the ordinary. Every time I asked for one my mother would answer, “You’ll pop it…the cat will pop it…blah, blah, blah.” Well, I won this one because I got the blow-up chair for Christmas! It was blue!…and then the cat popped it.

2003 TIMBERLANDS. I WANT PINK TIMBERLANDS! This began the ‘fashion statement is needed for Christmas’ idea. I have no idea why everyone had Tim’s in 8th grade, but whatever! My mom had JUST bought my sister a pair, so I thought I had a good shot! What happened was a little different. I unwrap a Timberland box (aaahhh!!) and open it to see a camera. Mom used my sister’s Timberland box for my present…LET DOWN! But mother knows best, I ended up majoring in filmmaking.

2005 MACY’S PARFUM. Diva comes out again for Christmas. I asked for DKNY Be Delicious. I get this gift for the next 3 years. You have to tell Mom a few weeks ahead of time so she can work her magic in getting the best deal. If you’re not familiar, Macy’s coupons exclude EVERYTHING IN THE STORE.

2008 THE PIANO BENCH I GOT, BUT NEVER REALLY GOT. My “big gift” this year was a piano bench. I don’t remember asking for it, but I did need one. I have an old rickety chair that has defied all odds by still standing erect. So, I got a beautiful PADDED bench with storage under the seat! But the wood was destroyed and the screws ruined the underside. We sent it back. I still have, and use, the old death chair…wait, that means I sent back my Christmas gift…what the hell did I get for Christmas 2008??!?!

2009 MONEY AND CLOTHES. Clothes. Gift card. Clothes. And gift cards that I will use to buy clothes. Diva is now in full effect. Problem: whenever mom buys me clothes they’re too big. Hence, now I just need:

2010 THE MONEY. Sallie Mae wants to take all of my paycheck, so now all I need is money. But that’s not fun at all! It’s Christmas 2010 and all of the wonder of Christmas is gone. What ever happened to the little girl that wanted to meet Robin Williams!!!!

Okay, I still do want to marry–I mean–meet Robin Williams.

Today’s lesson: we should all revise our Christmas Wish List. Instead of asking for a diamond, a Coach bag, or a spa gift certificate, think back to what you wanted when you were little. How about asking for…….


……..


I got nothing. I want the Coach purse!!!!

Stay tuned for my second holiday post about all that is Christmassy (good and bad).

Merry Christmas!!!!!!! (AND HAPPY CHANUKAH!) Have a little fun between the shopping and the yelling….Oh, is the yelling just in my house?


Love,

Santa’s plus-sized elf,

Alessandra



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Baggin’ a Blogger

A couple of weeks ago I asked my Facebook friends which topic they’d like me to cover in my next blog. Was it going to be “Top 10 Comedies”, “Top 5 Writers”, “Favorite Comedians”, or “What I Look for in a Guy”. Oddly enough, the majority voted for “What I look for in a Guy”. I have to say, I was shocked. I didn’t know that a topic specific to me would be the favorite. I guess I didn’t think I was that important or interesting…then again, I am that important and interesting.

I’ve realized that it’s hard not to fall madly in love with me and want me to yourselves. Sadly, and to much disappointment to you all, I have a wonderful boyfriend, Brendan, of over 2 years who’s serving our country in Afghanistan. But, you can all still try to sway me, my little secret admirers.

So in case you’re up to the challenge, I’ll give you what you want–don’t I always? This is how you can bag this blogger…

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A MAN (non-physical):

  1. Sense of humor. The most important of all. If you don’t make me laugh, then you won’t make me do much else.
  2. Patience. As a temper-mental Italian, I have my overreacting moments. I admit it. So patience is important because you have to be the rock that grounds me when I go over the top.
  3. An Interest. In me, I mean. Keep tabs on what I do and love; whether it’s my career or my hobbies. And of course I’ll take interest in yours.
  4. Passion for what they love. I LOVE what I do and I intend on doing what it takes to make my dream job a reality. So, I need someone who shares the same passion for what they love.
  5. Sense of adventure. Check out my bucket list blog and you’ll see that I plan on trying new things all the time! And my man is coming with me at least 50% of the time.
  6. Confidence. Not cockiness, confidence. Whatever you do in life, own it. That’s wicked sexy.
  7. Romance. I didn’t put this at the top of the list because, let’s face it, not many men can pull it off. But even if you try and fail at it, it’s still cute and appreciated.
  8. Ambition. No matter where you are in life, know that there is always more to get out of it.
  9. Creative side. I like to paint, draw, write, or do any kind of craft in my free time. You don’t have to be good at it, but do be up to it.

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A MAN (physical):

  1. Eyes I can get lost in. Brendan has green eyes. Dreamy sigh. Brown eyes with long eyelashes, also accepted.
  2. Full lips. Kisses just aren’t the same without them.
  3. Nice hands. I love hard-working hands. ie. Mechanics, carpenters, etc.
  4. Nice smile. Bad teeth are terrifying. You’re smile should make me want to smile, not run off a cliff.
  5. Height. My guy must be taller than me. As a plus-size girl, if a guy is shorter than me, I feel like a giant times 2.
  6. Voice. All ladies like a sexy voice, but it’s not about sounding like Isaac Hayes, it’s about having a soothing voice that calms us down before we go to sleep.
  7. V-Cut. If you don’t know what a v-cut is, it’s those lines on the sides of the hips that lead downward in a V-shape. Pause for drooling noise. Mmmmm.

I’m not too picky, am I? Of course the 7 physical preferences can be altered or done without. Every person of any size, shape, height, or color has something sexy about them. We all know I do.

Yes, I’m aware of my ego.

Thanks for reading,

Love,

Your sought after diva,

Alessandra