A Thick Girl’s 10 Best Friends

Although I’m not diagnosed with some form of ADD, I enjoy writing/living/talking all over the place! But lately, to my surprise, I’ve found that my blog is pretty much centered around certain views. These views being: big girls are awesome, fashion is fabulous and atrocious, the world needs to accept acceptance, life is a comedy, and I have a huge ego.

I’m totally fine with that. Hope you are too.

So, to keep up with my general themes, today’s blog topic hit me when I got out of the shower this morning. I have a strict routine; everything is done in the exact same order every day: wash body first, then hair, dry off, lotion, powder, hair, dress, then makeup. Wait–powder? You say? Yes, baby powder. “A thick girl’s best friend,” I said to the mirror. Ding Ding Ding!!!

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that not all big girls know the ways of being, well, big. Thanks to my father’s genes and my love of pasta, I’ve had the privilege of being plus-size almost my whole life. Why a privilege? Because I’ve mastered it. And BOY, does it take time!

So I’m standing in the bathroom, looking like a half powdered-doughnut, when I realized that maybe some of our newly plus-sized girls want some tips; some things I’ve learned over the years. And so begins another one of my FANTASTIC lists.

A Thick Girl’s 10 Best Friends:

  1. Baby Powder.When the weather is hot and sticky, nothing gets you through the day like baby powder. Especially for our big-busted ladies, the girls need some dry land, in between and under.
  2. Spanx. SO WONDERFUL! Yes, it’s true that Spanx, or, “fat-suckin-undies”, can restrict your movement, so I don’t consider them an everyday thing. But when you’re feeling bold and want to wear the dress that hugs you a little tighter than most, call in the troops! You have to be smoooooottthhh. No matter what your size, you want clean lines.
  3. A Good Bra. Cannot stress this enough. If there’s any tugging or pulling, pain or heavy indents in your skin, get fitted! I suffer from bigboobitis. It’s an awful disease that gives me major back problems, but an awesome rack. A good bra actually makes your posture better! I get my giant supportive bras and fittings at Lane Bryant. P.S. this Playtex commercial is hysterical! 
  4. Leggings, Belts & Boots. Want to be hugged on all the right curves while staying proportioned? An outfit that never fails me is a good layering ensemble: black leggings, colorful tank under a long vest or sweater, mid/high-calf boot, and cinch a thick colored belt around the narrowest part of your waist. Perfect for fall! And make sure your long vest or sweater covers your butt!!
  5. Perfect Cleavage. One thing that a few extra pounds bless us with is our voluptuous chest. Amen to that. Problem is, sometimes we show too much, or too little. The best way to explain the correct portion of cleavage is: during the day, 1/4 of your chest can be seen. At night: 1/3 is accepted–if you’re single. Secondly, we can’t hide too much! For example, when I wear high collared t-shirts or turtle-necks, the girls appear too monstrous because I’ve created a small neck line that balloons out into ginormity–not a word by the way.
  6. Flats. Buy tons of them! Red flats, metallic flats, pointy flats, sequined flats, I don’t care! They never get old and they can never be “too much”. Clothing doesn’t always have to be the main interest of your outfit–bring in a punch of color with your comfy stylish shoes.
  7. Gel Heel Inserts. If I was kidnapped and told that the only way I’d come out alive is if I could walk a straight line in heels without falling, I’d most surely die. I’m a klutz. I fall and trip when I’m sober in heels! But I love wearing them and I truck on. Why? Because they make my legs look great and I chose strong heels with support. I last 20 minutes in a heel that doesn’t have a gel insert.  I last 3 hours with it.
  8. Playful Eyes. As a full-blooded Italian, I got a weird nose and brown eyes. Yay, for me! What I also got was long, beautiful lashes. Playing up your eyes doesn’t mean loads of eye shadow; it means a simple colored liner with black mascara. I use an eggplant shade for my brownies.  Your eyes are what people see when you’re speaking to them; they hold a lot of power.
  9. Good-sized Purse. Don’t go too big (even though I have). My newly found rule: you don’t want a purse that’s bigger than your ass, it’ll make you look disproportionate. You are a beautiful diva! You need things on the go and they need to be accessible for emergency situations. What’s in my purse right now: mini hairspray bottle, cover-up, mirror, bobby pins, lip gloss, snacks, pen, notebook, wallet, sample size baby powder–you heard me, and Splenda, for when Dunkin Donuts gets my coffee wrong and I didn’t figure it out until after I left.
  10. Confidence. When you’re plus-sized, it almost feels like you have to try harder to “look as good as everyone else.” And that’s true, we have to look harder for pants that fit right and tops that button across our mountains. But the key is to make it look like it’s easy. Always leave your house feeling beautiful. Put in the extra 10 minutes in the morning to think about your image. When you feel good about what you’re wearing you feel good about you. Own it.

And there you have it. I’m pretty sure this list could help ANY woman!

…Did anyone else think the giant bra picture was hilarious?

Have more tips? Email me or Tweet me in the “Talk to Alessandra” tab!

Next blog? Dunkin’ Donuts vs. Starbucks. I’ll give you a hint, Dunkin sucks, but I still go there. Why do we put up with awful coffee?

I love you all, especially you skinny girls! I ignore you a lot, but it’s nothing personal.

Love,

You’re baby-powdered Goddess,

Alessandra

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Baggin’ a Blogger

A couple of weeks ago I asked my Facebook friends which topic they’d like me to cover in my next blog. Was it going to be “Top 10 Comedies”, “Top 5 Writers”, “Favorite Comedians”, or “What I Look for in a Guy”. Oddly enough, the majority voted for “What I look for in a Guy”. I have to say, I was shocked. I didn’t know that a topic specific to me would be the favorite. I guess I didn’t think I was that important or interesting…then again, I am that important and interesting.

I’ve realized that it’s hard not to fall madly in love with me and want me to yourselves. Sadly, and to much disappointment to you all, I have a wonderful boyfriend, Brendan, of over 2 years who’s serving our country in Afghanistan. But, you can all still try to sway me, my little secret admirers.

So in case you’re up to the challenge, I’ll give you what you want–don’t I always? This is how you can bag this blogger…

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A MAN (non-physical):

  1. Sense of humor. The most important of all. If you don’t make me laugh, then you won’t make me do much else.
  2. Patience. As a temper-mental Italian, I have my overreacting moments. I admit it. So patience is important because you have to be the rock that grounds me when I go over the top.
  3. An Interest. In me, I mean. Keep tabs on what I do and love; whether it’s my career or my hobbies. And of course I’ll take interest in yours.
  4. Passion for what they love. I LOVE what I do and I intend on doing what it takes to make my dream job a reality. So, I need someone who shares the same passion for what they love.
  5. Sense of adventure. Check out my bucket list blog and you’ll see that I plan on trying new things all the time! And my man is coming with me at least 50% of the time.
  6. Confidence. Not cockiness, confidence. Whatever you do in life, own it. That’s wicked sexy.
  7. Romance. I didn’t put this at the top of the list because, let’s face it, not many men can pull it off. But even if you try and fail at it, it’s still cute and appreciated.
  8. Ambition. No matter where you are in life, know that there is always more to get out of it.
  9. Creative side. I like to paint, draw, write, or do any kind of craft in my free time. You don’t have to be good at it, but do be up to it.

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A MAN (physical):

  1. Eyes I can get lost in. Brendan has green eyes. Dreamy sigh. Brown eyes with long eyelashes, also accepted.
  2. Full lips. Kisses just aren’t the same without them.
  3. Nice hands. I love hard-working hands. ie. Mechanics, carpenters, etc.
  4. Nice smile. Bad teeth are terrifying. You’re smile should make me want to smile, not run off a cliff.
  5. Height. My guy must be taller than me. As a plus-size girl, if a guy is shorter than me, I feel like a giant times 2.
  6. Voice. All ladies like a sexy voice, but it’s not about sounding like Isaac Hayes, it’s about having a soothing voice that calms us down before we go to sleep.
  7. V-Cut. If you don’t know what a v-cut is, it’s those lines on the sides of the hips that lead downward in a V-shape. Pause for drooling noise. Mmmmm.

I’m not too picky, am I? Of course the 7 physical preferences can be altered or done without. Every person of any size, shape, height, or color has something sexy about them. We all know I do.

Yes, I’m aware of my ego.

Thanks for reading,

Love,

Your sought after diva,

Alessandra