I AM: ALADDIN CASTING DIRECTOR

Hellloooooo!!!…I just had two coffees, sorry.

Before I begin, I’d like to make it known that I am NOT letting the extreme depression of recently paying my college loans stop me from blogging. Go me.

As most of America knows, this past week Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast were playing on TV repeatedly. And OF COURSE I ditched every one of my living friends to watch them alone with snack food. Well, except for my friend Fat Tom.– No, it’s ok, he doesn’t mind that nickname.

I was particularly excited for this Disney display because for a few years now, I’ve been DREAMING for the day when they make Aladdin into a live-action movie. Real actors, real Arabia, real Monkey! So began the endless debate between Fat Tom and I: who would play who?

We never agreed on anything, so instead of presenting you with the full cast as I declared it should be, I’m presenting a few options for each. I’ll let you decide.

*Feel free to play this video as you read for some mood music.

LET’S GET THE DAY STARTED! Imagine we are at a bachelor auction, because that’s exactly how I’m wording my commentary.

LIVE-ACTION CASTING:

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the eligible bachelors  about to walk out before us, are competing for the role of JAFAR. Jafar, the primary antagonist and arch nemesis of Aladdin, is a tall dark fellow. He enjoys snakes, long walks on the sand and world domination. Here are our bachelors!!!

  1. BENICIO DEL TORO First things first, HE’S SO SEXXXYYY!!! Anyway, I chose Benicio because of his hard look. He has very striking features and I think he could totally pull off Jafar. Maybe he’d just need to thin out a bit for that lanky look.

  2. JOHN TURTURRO
    Some of you know him from many of Adam Sandler’s movies playing quite the character, but John Turturro has had plenty of experience playing serious, intricate roles. Although he’s incredibly lovable, he can turn on you in a second and master the art that is Jafar. I think I might have a crush on him…
  3. BEN KINGSLEY This man has never done a performance that was any less than spectacular. He was Fat Tom’s choice, I would’ve never thought of him myself! If he got the role, I bet all who saw the movie would believe 100% that Kingsley was actually Jafar in real life.
  4. SACHA BARON COHEN I didn’t even think of Sasha until I wrote the Borat reference in the next paragraph. But we’re all familiar with the characters that this man can pull off–funny or serious. He would go ALL OUT for us as Jafar and I would want to  see it!

Next up we will have our lovely bachelorettes competing for the role of JASMINE. Jasmine is the most beautiful Princess of the land and the heiress to the throne. Her hobbies include brushing her hair in the menagerie, stealing apples from vendors and playing with tigers. Here are our ladies!!!!

  1. EVA MENDES As Borat would say, wow-wow-wee-wah. (I loved her in HITCH by the way.) I was the one to choose Eva. Reason one: her complexion and her confident attitude is what gives her the advantage. I’m not sure how she’d look with a long black weave, but I bet she could work it. Point two, I think she’s the only one that could pull off Jasmine’s clear voice.
  2. SCARLETT JOHANSSON I know, I know. She’s white. Fat Tom didn’t agree with this choice, but hear me out! All you need to do is imagine two things: Scarlett with a tan—and long locks of black hair…..yeah, that’s what I thought. You see it right? When is Scarlett ever NOT sexy? NEVER!
  3. SALMA HAYEK For the record, she is too old for this role. Fat Tom and my brother are the ones who are all about it. 20 years ago, she’d be perfect–no offense, Salma. She’s still gorgeous, but she is 44 years old. Jasmine 44? Not so much.

Our next bachelor has already won the category due to the fact that he’s the only bachelor. But, we’ll introduce him anyway! He has won the role of SULTAN. Sultan is a portly adorable man. His likes are: loose fitting clothing, bird feeding, parades  and large hats.

  1. JOHN GOODMAN Although, when you think of John Goodman, you think of a loud funny man, he’s also a determined actor. I believe he’d have a lot of fun playing the Sultan. Plus, I can’t think of anyone else who could be royal and playful at the same time. Can you? Fat Tom chose Joe Pesci and Danny DeVito. I just laughed a lot and told him this wasn’t a mob movie. –Don’t get me wrong, DeVito as Sultan would be HILARIOUS, but it would change the whole feel, seeing as how he’ll never get rid of that accent.

Ladies and Gents, what you’ve been waiting for has come. The bachelors for ALADDIN are almost here. Aladdin, a poor boy from the street, just wants to get ahead in life. Unfortunately, all he has is a stolen loaf of bread and a monkey. But he’s cute as all hell! His hobbies include: singing while running, men with machetes and talking to animals. Here they are!!!

  1. JUSTIN LONG The most believable Aladdin, I think. I know that he’s a bit pale, but it’s his voice that sells it. Justin is 32 years old now! I know, wow. But he manages to keep that young boyish charm. The fact that him and I have the same birthday did not make me biased at all…
  2. TAYLOR LAUTNER Aaahhhh!!!! Twilight fans unite!!!!! Fat Tom did not like this choice. (I love how Fat Tom became a character throughout this post.) Taylor would NAIL this part!! Admit it! He’s got the voice, the complexion, the age, the charm and he’s dreammmyyyy. Plus, being Aladdin will get him out of his Jacob Black coma.

So you’re all wondering what happened to Genie, right? I’ll let you in on a little secret, that isn’t really a secret at all…

NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE ROBIN WILLIAMS AS GENIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright then. I’m glad you agree. Genie would have to be computer generated with the same voice as before! No exceptions!

Thank you for delving into the world that’s inside  my mind. Let’s hope this is one step closer to seeing a live-action Aladdin in theaters!!!! Think about it! A real Cave of Wonders scene!?!? Aaaahhh! (screams of teenage girl excitement).

After this movie comes out, we just need to get Mulan, Beauty and the Beast and Pocahontas to follow! Disney, you wonderful,evil, beautiful corporation, you.

Oh, and do send me more suggestions! I’m still wracking my brain for more actors. Go to the ‘TALK TO ALESSANDRA’ tab or Tweet me your ideas!

Love,

You’re real-life Italian Jasmine,

Alessandra

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thoughtsappear
    Nov 29, 2010 @ 12:31:46

    I watched Aladdin this weekend, too. I love the guy at the beginning. Him and his tupperware crack me up every time. And of course, the monkey, Abu.

    Excellent casting! I agree with every one of your choices.

  2. alessandraspeaks
    Nov 29, 2010 @ 15:22:47

    Haha I love tupperware guy!

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