The Retail Holiday Season

YAAAWWWNNNN! I’m literally yawning and stretching at my computer because it feels like I just came out of my no-blog-writing hibernation. Before anyone hates on me, I have plenty of excuses–I mean, valid reasons–why I haven’t written in a while.

Reason 1: They upped my hours at work.
Reason 2: I’ve been sick since August (true story)
Reason 3: I’m lazy.

I’m a little rusty, so bear with me.

SO! The inspiration of today’s blog is mostly because I work in retail. (cue sympathetic awww from audience). Yes, I’ve worked in retail for 5 years in total, so anyone who works or shops in department stores knows why the holiday season is hell. Apparently all the CRAZIES come out to buy Christmas presents in October!

Anyway, I’ve decided, as a two-time employee of the month winner, to give some heads-up to anyone that has the cojones to go out shopping on this coming Black Friday. I’m hoping that my pro/con list will shine a little light on why employees will give you some attitude this season…mostly because you’re all CRAZY! NO, I didn’t memorize all of the item numbers of every Elmo product!!!

Sorry–I ranted.

So, “Let’s get the day started!” (quoted as  Katt Williams)

Although a drastically shorter list than the Cons, let’s start with the Pros of Retail’s Holiday Season….

Retail Holiday Season Pros:

  • I get to work more hours. Gimme that sweet, sweet minimum wage overtime so I can pay my piling amounts of bills!
  • Snacks in the break room. I don’t know if it’s out of pity for having to work during the holidays or just because it’s the Christmas spirit, but homemade brownies, cakes and cookies seem to appear on the break room table more often than not.
  • I can get away with more than usual. This is the one time of year when I don’t have to take any crap from anyone. It’s a known fact that the customers are going to be way crazier and more unreasonable than ever. So if I’m rude right back to you, you deserved it. And I can do that if I want because your complaint will not get me fired.
  • …Wow I really ran out of steam for more pros than the previous three. Shorter list than I thought.

Retail Holiday Season Cons:

  • Christmas music in October. I’m all about the holiday tunes, lit candles, hot chocolate and snow, but it’s still warm in October and the leaves didn’t even fall off the trees yet! “Santa Claus is coming to Town” is just a lie at this point.
  • Sales so specific that there is actually no sale at all. Yay, you scored a 20% off coupon!!!!…Too bad it excludes EVERYTHING IN THE STORE. And I have to tell you that the mounds of merchandise in your cart don’t qualify. “Please stop yelling, ma’am–I’m sorry you drove 40 minutes out of your way…well, it’s in the fine print if you would’ve just read it…”
  • Crazed Mothers. News flash: your 11-month-old daughter doesn’t give a crap whether or not you get the pink kitchen set or the yellow one!  She doesn’t even know what colors are yet. I’m so sorry that I didn’t personally order extra pink ones when my telekinesis told me you were on your way.
  • People who think I’m lying when I say: No, I do not have extra coupons. Yes, I am out of that item. That singing Barney is not on sale. NO. Not. on. sale. My manager will tell you no different. remember when I said I didn’t have a coupon 2 minutes ago…that’s still in effect.
  • Rude people who ruin nice people’s time. If you’re really lucky you’ll score a really nice customer! You actually go above and beyond to help them. But then you see a rude woman approaching. You know she’s rude because she’s walking like she has to use the bathroom and her lips are pursed. This is the lady that walks in front of all the people waiting and cuts off Nice Customer mid-sentence with the stupidest question ever to come out of a mouth since Maury.
  • Messy shoppers. Okay, I’m guilty of this one myself. I don’t know what causes this impulse, but shoppers tend to pick an item, go to the opposite side of the store, and then drop it off over there. i.e.: Blankets in the food aisle, ice cream in the shoe department etc.
  • Children. A complaint in itself. If you think children were out of control before, just wait until over-tired, distracted parents go shopping with them. All of the sudden a department store becomes a playground! I had a child almost shove her face in a hot portable radiator because she was unsupervised. The same girl stuck her arm into a packed shelf and proceeded to walk along side it, knocking everything onto the floor. And her brother was riding a bike through the aisles and purposely ramming into his mother’s carriage repeatedly. Yes, injuries have happened.

So when you go shopping this season, go in with a plan and 2 back-up plans. Remember, stores do run out of things–it’s a fact, and although employees are being paid, that doesn’t mean they’re paid enough to put up with your it’s-a-full-moon craziness. 

Recap in short: leave the kids home, when there’s a line, you have to wait in it just like everyone else, and always read the fine print.

Until next time y’all.


Your parking space stealer,


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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Posky
    Nov 24, 2010 @ 22:08:08

    Don’t feel so bad about it, nobody has been blogging that much lately and it seems like internet traffic has died down all over. I think the cold weather and winter depression is making people sleep more. Perhaps they just need to adjust to the new colder and darker months we have ahead.

    My plan is to just not buy anything at all. I’m making gifts only.

  2. Jen Quon
    Nov 29, 2010 @ 14:05:13

    I hate shopping. Black Friday (and now Cyber Monday) only exacerbate my deep-seeded loathing. I love hearing your perspective on it!

    At least my Christmas shopping is DONE! oh, I just remembered one… well, almost done then.


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