Judge Alessandra presiding

So after you clear away the party-goers of the night and take the beer bottles and chip crumbs off the table, what you have left are the real moments in life.

I found myself sitting at my kitchen table with my neighbor/non-blood-related brother, Joe, and my good friend Will after all of the people of the pictionary tournament left to sleep, eat or stalk the night. If I could hover up above us in a bubble looking down, I would see Joe, a shaggy-haired college kid dressed head to toe in Abercrombie with a slow “yeahhhhh dude” surfer voice. And I’d see Will, who stands tall at 6 foot 5 and sits at 5 foot 3. His dreads hanging down to his mid-chest and his long hands resting on his knees. And then there’s me, the slightly chubby, petite and curly-haired girl laughing at nothing because it’s 4am.

The three of us, as different as different can be, are sitting at my kitchen table talking for hours about the existence of God and the kind of people we’d marry. Or how Joe, who is a life guard at the YMCA, wants to be a lawyer! And Will in his silent intelligence sits back observing and listening to Joe’s hilarious nonsense about how his wife will be “siiiiick” and “she’ll be like me and never want to fight.” I noticed that Joe, a young good-looking kid, didn’t bring up looks or physical attributes into his wife’s description at all. Kudos, Joe.

Now, if you saw a college kid, who looks like a frat boy, sitting next to a kid with dreads and laughing every 5 seconds talking about God and politics at 4 in the morning, you would most likely assume drugs are involved. And that’s the great part…no drugs were involved. Nor are they ever. Which leads me to my point today:

Never judge a book by its cover. I do it well and I do it all the time, but you truly never know. Actually, judging people is probably the most organic, natural and fun thing in the world! When I saw the girl with the hack-job wannabe Rihanna hair cut at iHop who kept saying “yous should have the special” and “yous would really like da lemonade” I thought…this girl is deranged and uneducated. Which, actually might be true, BUT turns out she was the best service we’ve ever had! And when I saw the dominatrix twins in 6 inch heels walk into a Babies R Us at 12pm on a Sunday, they were not in fact on their way to a baby-themed strip club, but going to a baby shower. How did I mess that one up?!

Oh, my good and loyal readers, have fun with your obnoxious judging and do it light-heartedly because judging will never stop or go away! Just remember that fun is all it is and the content of your judging is almost always severely skewed. So have your Joe and Will moment at 4am! Or your Rihanna working at iHop jokes. Just be ready to take your own judgments as well. Because yous are judged too. So hate on haters! We need you.

In the words of Katt Williams, “If you got no one to hate on, feel free to hate on me!”

Over and out,



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