White Women and Punctuation

I’m a genius!

I’ve discovered a new guideline for e-communications AKA email/chat etc for when you’re wondering what the person looks like on the other end:
If your email response contains
2 or more !exclamation marks! within 3 lines; that person is a white female! No questions asked. ie: “I’m so glad to hear from you! I was waiting for this reply all day! How have you been? When are we meeting up!?”
*(Notice my randomly-placed exclamations…I am in fact white, so I’m trying to be consistent…!!!!)<—for good measure.

Exceptions to the rule:

1- The content of the email may be that exciting. ie: Someone’s having a baby, someone’s engaged, etc.
2- The email-composer is actually
posing as a white female.
3- The person had their female white friend type it.

I have experienced this first hand, so don’t try to stir up some of your emails to prove me wrong. It would be a waste of time because we all know that whatever I say is right….

James Franco and I are engaged!

Okay, not everything I say is right…yet.

So, for those of you who are reading, I hope you use this information to your benefit. And for the others who don’t, I apologize for dedicating this whole post to something so absurd and of no real substance. You might say, it’s a blog about nothing. Seinfeld-esque even. I take that as the highest compliment.

-Alessandra! aka (Elaine Benice for the day)


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